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Seriously, did they just spend all the money they had getting Coolio to sign on for this movie?

Great job, guys; you got a mediocre actor and now you have no cash left for the vampire effects.

So, yeah, you heard right – apparently these people have absolutely no idea what they are doing, no clue how to run a ship and are just kind of aimlessly drifting through space, like useless space debris.

Except I think space debris is actually more intelligent than these idiots. They basically just admit in the first five minutes of the movie that they’re completely incompetent in every way possible!

“Come in, Review Command Central…come in…we have an unidentified object on the horizon. The movie even knows it’s not going to have anything worthwhile – so it’s just skipping all the bullshit and starting right out with a self-destructing ship with its sole member, some old guy who will serve as our exposition machine throughout the film, dying off. If they just rolled the credits now, this would be by far the best Dracula movie I’ve ever reviewed on this site. Then we skip to 50 years later, because that’s not pointless, is it? You mean it doesn’t matter what time any of this takes place because it’s all arbitrary made up nonsense?

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